LOL, thanks for the chuckle!
AHH Guy's I missed doing these.
As Usual Lets Start With A Blonde Joke.
...... Two blondes walk into a Building ..........
you'd think at least one of them
would have seen it.
1. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana,
press the hash key..."
2. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The
shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
3. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.
4. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
too high."
5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't, I've cut your arms off".
7. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and heat it.
9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc
says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
11. "Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a
look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his
teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
13. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up
my backside."
"How's that?"
"Don't you start."
14. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
15. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
16. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you
give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,
go for it.'
17. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my
dad, Or my older brother Colin, Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I
think it's Colin.
18. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The
other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
19. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one
off.
20. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So
that was nice."
21. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several
places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
22. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and
rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number
to climb as digging continues into the night.
LOL, thanks for the chuckle!
Number 11 got a good snicker out of me. And this blonde admits to walking into a pole once.
I walked into a tree once. But I was distracted by a blonde at the time.
Bran, don't think you can blame haircolor for that. I'm a brunette and have to cop to that one as well. Talking to friends behind you while walking not the best of ideas...
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:
"Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?
<font size="2" face="Comic sans ms, Helvetica, sans-serif">Ok, so maybe you CAN blame haircolor! [img]wink.gif[/img]Originally posted by JaceSan:
I walked into a tree once. But I was distracted by a blonde at the time. [img]wink.gif[/img]
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